But the Beast, who lived north of the Bored, Did NOT!
The Beast hated Decades! The whole Decades season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be the 80s made his eyesight go dim.
It could be, perhaps, how the Naughts treated him.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his brain was two sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason, his brain or his sight,
He sat in his stuffed chair, ready to fight.
Staring at WebTV with a Beasty discord
At the Decades thread he saw on their Bored.
For he knew every BB on the Bored interface
Was waiting to answer the new Will & Grace
"They’ll be adding their spoilers!" he snarled with a sneer,
"To ‘I Love the ‘90s’! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Beast fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Decades from coming!"
...But HOW?"
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE BEAST GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Beast laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Fanny hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "The look is uncanny!"
"With this coat and this hat, I can be Santa Fanny!"
"All I need is an avatar..." The Beast looked around.
But, since avatars are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Beast...? No! The Beast simply said,
"If I can't find an avatar, I'll make one instead!"
So he phoned his friend, Uly, from the good ol’ left coast.
Soon CowardlyNameChanger was ready to post
Then he put in his name, calmly and cooly,
Using the avatar drawn up by ol’ Uly.
Then the Beast, he logged in and found the right threads.
While the BBs were all fast asleep in their beds
All their forums were empty. The chat room was dark
He attacked the next Decades post like a shark.
"I DON’T Love the 90s," Santa Beasty Fan hissed
And he read the whole post while shaking his fist.
Then he slithered and slunk, to each category,
He picked the post clean, each question and story.
Cats and Dogs, Losers and Winners
Beast tossed them aside like old TV dinners
He filled up his bags, stuffed ‘em completely,
Then laughed as his finger hit the delete key
He slunk to the chat room, where BBs like to talk
About husbands and children and who’s on the clock
He cleaned out that forum, put it all in a sack
"And NOW!" grinned the Beast, "They will never talk back!"
And the Beast grabbed the sack, he was feeling just fine
When he heard the sound of someone coming online.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small BB
Little Minimetoo, who had been watching TV.
The Beast had been caught by this tiny Bored peep
Who checked out old transcripts when she couldn’t sleep.
She stared at the Beast and said, "Fanny, why,
"Why are you taking away Decades? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Beast was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little BB," the fake Fanny lied,
"The 90’s won’t fit because the font is too wide."
"So I'm taking it home to my office, my dear."
"I'll clean it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the BB, who started to cough
He escorted her out and watched her log off.
And when Minimetoo went back to her TV,
He said, “That’s the last time I’ll deal with a BB.”
Then the last thing he took was their logging in page!
Then he left the website, himself, the old sage.
On their forums he left nothing but an old, broken thread
That talked of a phone game and someone named Fred.
Back in the Beast house, his WebTV roared
He sat back and watched as his blood pressure soared
"Pooh-Pooh to the BBs!" he was beast-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Decades is coming!"
"They'll try to log in! But I made their Bored crumble!"
"Their mouths will hang open, all looking quite humble
Then BBs like Marley will all start to grumble!"
"That's a sight," grinned the Beast, "That will make me quite cheery!"
He paused and then went to the ‘home of the weary’.
And he did see a post on that fateful morning
It started out small, then grew without warning
But it wasn’t a grumble. Why, this post sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared at the BamBored! The Beast popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every BB on BAMBored, the big and the tiny,
Were all playing Decades: I Love the 90s!
He HADN'T stopped Decades from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Beast, with his Beast-finger plunking a key,
Sat puzzling and puzzling: "Just how could it be?"
"It came with out logins! It came without forums!"
"It came without replies, PMs or quorums!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Beast thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Decades," he thought, "doesn't come from a place."
"Maybe Decades...perhaps...lives in deep cyberspace!"
And what happened then...?
Well...on BAMBored they say
That the Beast’s tiny brain
Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his brain didn't feel quite so tight,
He logged onto the Bored in the bright morning light
And he brought back all he had taken away
And the Beast...HE HIMSELF...!
Played Decades that day!
Decades is almost over.
Enjoy it while it’s around
