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Ritterskoop
Posts: 5717
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2007 10:16 pm
Location: Charlotte, NC

#26 Post by Ritterskoop » Fri Nov 09, 2007 2:51 pm

peacock2121 wrote:
Ritterskoop wrote:
I'm told I have been contributing too many opinions for someone who is new to the team. They like my energy and hard work but not so much the opinions. Since I am not very subtle about figuring out when to speak up and when not, I will just be quiet. The people who want my ideas can ask for them. Maybe someday down the road I will be better at knowing when I'm welcome to speak up. Until then, they will have to tell me when they are making rhetorical complaints and when they really do want something fixed.

Whew. That all does have to do with my health, I promise.
What you described at work is often found in male/female relationships. Generally, females just want their men to listen and not try ot fix - they just want to be heard and don't want their complaint taken care of or given ideas on how it could be fixed.

I know of many couples who have handled that issue without making the man just be quiet. He asks "Is this something you just want to get off your chest or is this something you want to see if we can fix together?"

You could try some version of that - you just have to make sure you don't have any judgement about that they shouldn't be talking about it if they don't want it fixed. If you ask the question from that place - you will just piss them off even more.

Sorry you are having a hard time.

I also notice you didn't ask for help and yet....... I offered.

Are you pissed off?
Pissed you gave advice? Never. If I post something, I am inviting responses.

Mom did tell me not to ask people if their complaints are rhetorical or if they want me to help. Well, she said don't do that first part. I bet I can't get into trouble if I say, "Do you need help with that?"

I think there are a couple of them that believe I should behave like a sports team rookie, and only speak when I'm spoken to, and like that.

I can do that. That's my new approach. I just wish someone had mentioned it four months ago.

I am also only going to sit at my own desk, and not sit closer to the solo designer some nights like I was. I thought I was more helpful so he didn't have to yell. But now I will stay in my corner and put on the headphones. Shoot, maybe I won't get a headache tonight!
If you fail to pilot your own ship, don't be surprised at what inappropriate port you find yourself docked. - Tom Robbins
--------
At the moment of commitment, the universe conspires to assist you. - attributed to Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

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silvercamaro
Dog's Best Friend
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Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:45 am

#27 Post by silvercamaro » Fri Nov 09, 2007 8:31 pm

On Monday, I said, "My goal for this week is to practice my dance steps a bit more regularly, and to walk Lizbit on the leash for longer periods of time."

Okay, so the dance practice remains irregular -- waiting for the microwave to finish is good for 2 to 6 minutes at a time. The walks, however, have improved remarkably. Lizbit and I have had two of the best walks ever. The key has been to take the puppy alone and step up the pace faster than Annie can manage. (Annie can run faster and farther than either Lizbit or I can handle, but Annie's walking gait includes a limp that makes her tired or sore after a couple of blocks.) With just the two of us, Lizbit became so busy marching along with so many new things to see that she forgot to try to bite her leash or otherwise turn into a meathead. When we came home two or three miles later, she needed a nap each time -- which meant I could get some work done without her "assistance," too.

My weight seems to have stabilized again, and I finally found a decent pair of jeans that fit. I'm giving this week a 9.5.

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Beebs52
Queen of Wack
Posts: 14892
Joined: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:38 am
Location: Location.Location.Location

#28 Post by Beebs52 » Fri Nov 09, 2007 8:37 pm

silvercamaro wrote:On Monday, I said, "My goal for this week is to practice my dance steps a bit more regularly, and to walk Lizbit on the leash for longer periods of time."

Okay, so the dance practice remains irregular -- waiting for the microwave to finish is good for 2 to 6 minutes at a time. The walks, however, have improved remarkably. Lizbit and I have had two of the best walks ever. The key has been to take the puppy alone and step up the pace faster than Annie can manage. (Annie can run faster and farther than either Lizbit or I can handle, but Annie's walking gait includes a limp that makes her tired or sore after a couple of blocks.) With just the two of us, Lizbit became so busy marching along with so many new things to see that she forgot to try to bite her leash or otherwise turn into a meathead. When we came home two or three miles later, she needed a nap each time -- which meant I could get some work done without her "assistance," too.

My weight seems to have stabilized again, and I finally found a decent pair of jeans that fit. I'm giving this week a 9.5.
I love the term "meathead".
Well, then

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