Lest We Forget......

[WalhalsGh0st]

GO Post #94789
Posted by: walhal
Time: 10:15PM PDT - Tuesday August 29, 2000
Subject: One of the idiots speaks...

Go ahead and let me have it: let's hear them all - 'idiot',
'moron', 'butthead', and every other epithet you can hurl,
as if you have been in training for it.

Then let them all get in line behind the dozens I've hurled
at myself.

I don't blame those having these impressions and feelings -
I myself have known the frustrations of 0-fers to the tune
of 50+, the countless 3 hour waits that amounted to nothing,
of sitting on my sofa and knocking down question after
question, thinking that the hot seat at that moment should
be my rightful place, and yes, hurling my own vituperation
on those that had, in my mind, blown the golden opportunity
by tanking before 32K.

Yes I am still close enough in proximity to those times
that I fully understand the "look at that idiot, how did he
get there?" mentality.

And I don't blame those thinking it one wit.

After seeing my performance tonight, I was actually
relieved that the editing made me appear calmer than I
truly was, and much more of a good sport in defeat than
I felt at the time.

The only thing that shames me at this point is the
uncomfortable memory of how I damaged my karma in
those recent rush-to-judgement days prior to me actually,
finally, and gratefully getting my chance to cash in on
some easy money and showing my friends, family, and
yes, enemies what I could do.

At this point, I'm only moderately melancholy that I didn't
"come through" and make it to the $32K level, at the very
least.

But I'm extremely embarassed and saddened, before my
God, at how I didn't forsee the trepidations that others
might be going through, and thinking myself superior to
all those that stumbled before me.

My newfound wisdom was hard-won, and I indeed, as it
has been said, had to 'burn' before I could grow.

As difficult as this is for a teen-ager or one in his twenties,
imagine it three-fold harsher for a man in his forties,
pretty much past the peak of things and heading 'down
the hill'.

So go ahead and call names - my back has gotten a bit
broader and my skin thicker, in direct contrast to my
heart, which has softened.

[silverscreenselect]

Go ahead and let me have it: let's hear them all - 'idiot',
'moron', 'butthead', and every other epithet you can hurl,
as if you have been in training for it.

Then let them all get in line behind the dozens I've hurled
at myself.

How well I know....

[franktangredi]

Thank you! I had been trying to remember who had posted this back then!

I had just started posting a few weeks before this, after my own run in the Hot Seat. I had never posted ANYWHERE prior to that, and I wasn't familiar with the board or with anything leading up to this. (Hell, I didn't own a computer yet!) But I remembered this post very well. I even remember trying to make him feel better, because I think that must have been a very difficult thing for him to do.

GO Post #94789
Posted by: walhal
Time: 10:15PM PDT - Tuesday August 29, 2000
Subject: One of the idiots speaks...

Go ahead and let me have it: let's hear them all - 'idiot',
'moron', 'butthead', and every other epithet you can hurl,
as if you have been in training for it.

Then let them all get in line behind the dozens I've hurled
at myself.

I don't blame those having these impressions and feelings -
I myself have known the frustrations of 0-fers to the tune
of 50+, the countless 3 hour waits that amounted to nothing,
of sitting on my sofa and knocking down question after
question, thinking that the hot seat at that moment should
be my rightful place, and yes, hurling my own vituperation
on those that had, in my mind, blown the golden opportunity
by tanking before 32K.

Yes I am still close enough in proximity to those times
that I fully understand the "look at that idiot, how did he
get there?" mentality.

And I don't blame those thinking it one wit.

After seeing my performance tonight, I was actually
relieved that the editing made me appear calmer than I
truly was, and much more of a good sport in defeat than
I felt at the time.

The only thing that shames me at this point is the
uncomfortable memory of how I damaged my karma in
those recent rush-to-judgement days prior to me actually,
finally, and gratefully getting my chance to cash in on
some easy money and showing my friends, family, and
yes, enemies what I could do.

At this point, I'm only moderately melancholy that I didn't
"come through" and make it to the $32K level, at the very
least.

But I'm extremely embarassed and saddened, before my
God, at how I didn't forsee the trepidations that others
might be going through, and thinking myself superior to
all those that stumbled before me.

My newfound wisdom was hard-won, and I indeed, as it
has been said, had to 'burn' before I could grow.

As difficult as this is for a teen-ager or one in his twenties,
imagine it three-fold harsher for a man in his forties,
pretty much past the peak of things and heading 'down
the hill'.

So go ahead and call names - my back has gotten a bit
broader and my skin thicker, in direct contrast to my
heart, which has softened.