Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

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Stanley Kubrick
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Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#1 Post by Stanley Kubrick » Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:34 am

Scene: Writer Uly Torrance interviews for a job as caretaker for the Overlook Bored, an internet haven that shuts down for the winter season.


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Eyégor: There is one other thing I think we should talk about. I don't want to sound melodramatic, but it is something that's been known to give a few people second thoughts about the job.

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Uly: I'm intrigued.

Eyégor: I don't suppose they, uh, told you anything about the tragedy we had up here during the shutdown of 2005?

Uly: I don't believe they did.

Eyégor: Well, uh, my predecessor in this job hired a man named Killer Tomato as the winter caretaker. And he came up here with his wife and two little girls, Holly and Hoolie, I think about 8 and 10. And he had a good employment record, good references, and from what I've been told, I mean he seemed like a completely normal individual. But at some point during the winter, he must have suffered some kind of a complete mental breakdown. He ran amuck and killed his family with an axe. Stacked 'em neatly in the chat room. Police, uh, they thought that was what the old-timers used to call Bored fever. Kind of claustrophobic reaction which can occur when people are on-line together over long periods of time.

Uly: Well, that's, uh, quite a story. That’s what you get for hiring a guy named Killer Tomato.

Eyégor: True. And, obviously some people can be put off by the idea of staying alone in a place where something like that actually happened.

Uly: Well, you can rest assured, Mr. Eyégor. That's not gonna happen with me. And as far as my wife is concerned, I'm sure she'll be absolutely fascinated when I tell her about it. She's a confirmed ghost story and political thread addict.



Scene: Uly and Kiki Torrance arrive at Overlook Bored with their young son, LB. Uly plans on using the time to create the entire list for July Lyrically Speaking.

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Scene: Young LB talks with Moonie, the Overlook’s cook


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Moonie: I can remember when I was a little boy. My grandmother and I could hold conversations entirely without ever opening our mouths. She called it "chatting". And for a long time, I thought it was just the two of us that had it. Just like you probably thought you was the only one. But there are other folks, though mostly they don't know it, or don't believe it.

LB: But, Mr. Moonie, people hold conversations all time without talking. Isn't that what the internet is all about.

Moonie: Say, how did you get so smart?

LB: I keep notebooks.

Moonie: Good idea.

LB: Mr. Moonie, are you scared of this place?

Moonie: No. Scared – there's nothin' here. It's just that, you know, some places are like people. Some "chat" and some don't. I guess you could say the Overlook Bored here has somethin' almost like "chatting".

LB: Is there something bad here?

Moonie: Well, sometimes they can see things that happened a long time ago. I think a lot of things happened right here in this particular Bored over the years … and not all of 'em was good.

LB: What about the chat room?

Moonie: Chat room?

LB: You're scared of the chat room, ain't ya?

Moonie: No, I ain't.

LB: Mr. Moonie. What's in the chat room?

Moonie: Nothin'! There ain't nothin' in the chat room. But you ain't got no business goin' in there anyway. So stay out! You understand? Stay out!


Scene: LB is explores the Overlook Bored. . .


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. . .and finds the chat room

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Holly and Hoolie: Hello LB. Come and play with us. Come and play with us, LB. Forever... and ever... and ever.


Scene: Uly visits the chat room. . .

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. . .and meets Tuba Dave the bartender


Dave: Good evening, Uly. It's good to see you.

Uly: It's good to be back, Dave.

Dave: What'll it be, sir?

Uly: Hair of the dog that bit me.

Dave: Bourbon on the rocks.

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Uly: That'll do her.

Dave: No charge to you, Uly.

Uly: No charge?

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Dave: Your money is no good here. That goes for anyone who wants to create Lyrically Speaking lists. Orders from the Bored.

Uly: Orders from the Bored?

Dave: Drink up, Uly.

Uly: I'm the kind of man who likes to know who's buyin' their drinks, Dave.

Dave: It's not a matter that concerns you, Uly. At least not at this point.

Uly: Anything you say, Dave. Anything you say.




Scene: Kiki visits Uly as he writes and realizes he’s starting to lose his mind

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Kiki: Get a lot written today?

Uly: Yes.

Kiki: Hey! Weather forecast said it's gonna snow tonight!

Uly: What do you want me to do about it?

Kiki: Aw, come on, hun. Don't be so grouchy.

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Uly: I'm not being grouchy. I just want to finish Lyrically Speaking.

Kiki: Okay, I understand. I'll come back later on with a couple of sandwiches for ya, and maybe you'll let me try some of the lyrics.

Uly: Kiki, let me explain something to you. Whenever you come in here and interrupt my songs, you're breaking my concentration. You're distracting me! [he hits his head with the palm of his hand, rips up his Lyrically Speaking list, and throws it onto the floor] And it will then take me time to get back to where I was! Understand?!

Kiki: Yeah.

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Uly: Fine. I'm gonna make a new rule: whenever I'm in here, and you hear me typing,[presses down hard on random keys] whether you don't hear me typing, whatever the f*ck you hear me doing in here, when I'm in here, that means that I am working on Lyrically Speaking. That means don't come in. Now, do you think you can handle that?

Kiki: Yeah.




Scene: Uly meets KT, the former caretaker


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Uly: What do they call you around here, Jeevesy?

KT: KT, sir. Short for Killer Tomato.

Uly: Eh, Mr. KT... haven't I seen you somewhere before?

KT: Why no, sir. I don't believe so.

Uly: Eh... Mr. KT... weren't you once the caretaker here?

KT: Why no, sir. I don't believe so.

Uly: You, er, a married man, are you, Mr. KT?

KT: Yes, sir. I have a wife and, eh, two daughters, sir. Holly and Hoolie.

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Uly: And, er... where are they now?

KT: Oh, they're somewhere around. I'm not quite sure at the moment, sir.

Uly: [takes KT's cloth and wipes his hand with it] Mr. KT, you were the caretaker here. I recognize you. I saw your picture in the newspapers. You, uh … chopped your wife and daughters up into little bits. And … and you blew your brains out.

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KT: That's strange, sir. I don't have any recollection of that at all.

Uly: Mr. KT, you were the caretaker here.

KT: I'm sorry to differ with you, sir, but you are the caretaker.
You've always been the caretaker. I should know, sir, I've always been on this Bored.


Scene: Kiki secretly checks on Uly’s writing. . .

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. . .discovers that he has written the same lyrics over and over. . .


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. . .But Uly catches her

Kiki: [crying] Stay away from me.

Uly: Why?

Kiki: I just wanna go back to my room!

Uly: Why?

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Kiki: Well, I'm very confused, and I just need time to think things over!

Uly: You've had your whole life to think things over, what good's a few minutes more gonna do you now?

Kiki: Please! Don't hurt me!

Uly: I'm not gonna hurt you.

Kiki: Stay away from me!

Uly: Kiki? Darling? Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in.

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Scene: Now completely insane, Uly confronts Moonie. . .

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. . .then chases his family through the Bored with an ax


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Heeeere’s Uly!!


Scene: Kiki and LB escape. Uly chases LB into the unused FNGD forums. . .


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. . .LB gets away, but Uly ends up as cold an FNGD thread

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Final Scene: Lyrically Speaking hosts gather together, circa 1921

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Elwoodblues host Lyrically Speaking in July (if he dares)
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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#2 Post by christie1111 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 6:05 am

OMG!

I do not know how you do it!

That was just incredible.
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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#3 Post by MarleysGh0st » Wed Jun 16, 2010 6:07 am

Stanley Kubrick wrote:Final Scene: Lyrically Speaking hosts gather together, circa 1921
Woo hoo! I bet they'd know some lyrics that were written before the 1960s! :mrgreen:

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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#4 Post by littlebeast13 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 6:52 am

Congratulations, Mr. Kubrick! You win the ES avatar contest!!!!

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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#5 Post by minimetoo26 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 6:56 am

littlebeast13 wrote:Congratulations, Mr. Kubrick! You win the ES avatar contest!!!!

lb13


Aha. :idea: I didn't get it. Never saw the movie.

Don't think I even finished the book, either...
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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#6 Post by littlebeast13 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:01 am

minimetoo26 wrote:
littlebeast13 wrote:Congratulations, Mr. Kubrick! You win the ES avatar contest!!!!

lb13


Aha. :idea: I didn't get it. Never saw the movie.

Don't think I even finished the book, either...

I've never seen the movie either....... but our wonderful promo guy really knows how to present one Bored style....

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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#7 Post by FannyHeartsNene » Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:04 am

Stupid server.....
Last edited by FannyHeartsNene on Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:04 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#8 Post by FannyHeartsNene » Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:04 am

minimetoo26 wrote:
littlebeast13 wrote:Congratulations, Mr. Kubrick! You win the ES avatar contest!!!!

lb13


Aha. :idea: I didn't get it. Never saw the movie.

Don't think I even finished the book, either...
Have you seen the cell phone adverts that are a take off on it?

Meanwhile, I'm going to use the phrase "Gimme the cookies, you bitch!" as much as humanly possible today. I think I'll call my sister right now.......
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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#9 Post by minimetoo26 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:06 am

FannyHeartsNene wrote:
minimetoo26 wrote:
littlebeast13 wrote:Congratulations, Mr. Kubrick! You win the ES avatar contest!!!!

lb13


Aha. :idea: I didn't get it. Never saw the movie.

Don't think I even finished the book, either...
Have you seen the cell phone adverts that are a take off on it?

Meanwhile, I'm going to use the phrase "Gimme the cookies, you bitch!" as much as humanly possible today. I think I'll call my sister right now.......

Probably, and didn't get those, either.... :roll:
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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#10 Post by Pastor Fireball » Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:11 am

One of the creepiest promos I've ever seen, but it was a great one.

Cookie Monster provided some great unexpected comic relief there.

I wonder which person in that 1921 photo is me.
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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#11 Post by ulysses5019 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:24 am

Stanley looks remarkably good for a dead guy.
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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#12 Post by SportsFan68 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 8:53 am

Brilliant.

I'll miss at least two days of the July LS, maybe more. Not that I had any hope of winning, I hasten to add.
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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#13 Post by kayrharris » Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:02 am

These promos never cease to amaze me. I haven't seen the movie either, but I'm enlightened now anyway.

Great work!


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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#14 Post by SportsFan68 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:11 am

I've never seen the movie or read the book, but now that I know the ending, I plan to do both. I was under the impression that the kid got killed, which turned me away.
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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#15 Post by Beebs52 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:37 am

Astoundingly brilliant, as usual vandalman!

The book is one of King's best, actually. We just re-saw the movie not too long ago.
Well, then

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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#16 Post by Pastor Fireball » Wed Jun 16, 2010 9:47 am

ulysses5019 wrote:Stanley looks remarkably good for a dead guy.
Those Hollywood special effects are amazing, aren't they?
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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#17 Post by ulysses5019 » Wed Jun 16, 2010 10:03 am

Pastor Fireball wrote:
ulysses5019 wrote:Stanley looks remarkably good for a dead guy.
Those Hollywood special effects are amazing, aren't they?

And the makeup guys aren't too bad either. I like the Jack Nicholson look. Now if I can jut get his courtside seats to game seven...
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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#18 Post by elwoodblues » Wed Jun 16, 2010 6:46 pm

Great job. The Cookie Monster picture was a nice touch.

And thanks again.

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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#19 Post by elwoodblues » Wed Jun 16, 2010 7:01 pm

MarleysGh0st wrote:
Stanley Kubrick wrote:Final Scene: Lyrically Speaking hosts gather together, circa 1921
Woo hoo! I bet they'd know some lyrics that were written before the 1960s! :mrgreen:
Marley, during the first week there will be a bonus question about a song that predates the rock era. Unfortunately, one of the clues will be that the title has a word that's in the other titles in that game.

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Re: Stanley Kubrick Presents...The Chatting

#20 Post by MarleysGh0st » Thu Jun 17, 2010 5:21 am

elwoodblues wrote:
MarleysGh0st wrote:
Stanley Kubrick wrote:Final Scene: Lyrically Speaking hosts gather together, circa 1921
Woo hoo! I bet they'd know some lyrics that were written before the 1960s! :mrgreen:
Marley, during the first week there will be a bonus question about a song that predates the rock era. Unfortunately, one of the clues will be that the title has a word that's in the other titles in that game.
You giveth and taketh away, huh? :|

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