TEN!, Week Two, Monday

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Pastor Fireball
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TEN!, Week Two, Monday

#1 Post by Pastor Fireball » Mon Jun 19, 2017 5:02 pm

New week, new categories, tougher questions. How do we start this week?

FAKE NEWS

No, this category is not about what you think it is about. This category is actually about "articles" that have appeared in everybody's favorite satirical website, The Onion. No fair looking up these answers on the website. You'll have to use your knowledge and instincts to determine the subjects of these fictional stories. The headlines are fake, but the points are very real. Deadline is Wednesday at 7 PM Eastern.

1. POLITICS: What part of the federal government didn't "realize" until 2005 that they had been "using" black highlighters on all of their classified documents?
A. FBI
B. Homeland Security
C. CIA
D. NSA

2. TELEVISION: In 1998, what game show got "approval" from the FCC to start using George Carlin's words you can't say on television?
A. "Wheel of Fortune"
B. "Match Game"
C. "Hollywood Squares"
D. "Jeopardy!"

3. RELIGION: In a recent "article", who is worried about their job security after the hiring of a supposedly "new God", "stating" that the new God has been "riding my ass nonstop... I got along great with the old God, but this one gets wrathful over practically nothing. Frankly, He's kind of a dick."?
A. Pat Robertson
B. Pope Francis
C. The Archbishop of Canterbury
D. Donald Trump

4. GAMES: According to a 2009 "exposé", the lovesick CEO of a major toys and games manufacturer "experiences" schadenfreude every time one of his company's most famous games "destroys" a romantic relationship. Nearly 1.5 million breakups "occurred" during the CEO's forty-year tenure because of what game?
A. Scrabble
B. Yahtzee
C. Monopoly
D. Boggle

5. ANIMALS: In a shocking 2006 "photo", The Onion "warned" its readers that one seemingly innocuous animal "thinks" of murder all day. Which one?
A. Turtle
B. Kitten
C. Goldfish
D. Puppy

6. SPORTS: In a 2014 "article", ESPN analyst Chris Broussard "discussed" which of two men was the all-time leader in being "a complete, all-around f**kface" and "a dominant, overbearing s**thead" in their respective sport. Which two athletes?
A. Ben Roethlisberger & Tom Brady
B. Michael Johnson & Usain Bolt
C. Michael Jordan & LeBron James
D. Barry Bonds & Alex Rodriguez

7. HOLIDAY NEWS: Santa Claus "wrote" a 2006 "article" just in time for Christmas... but there was no joy from jolly old St. Nick because he had been keeping a list of every reader whom he had "caught" doing what?
A. Singing Cher songs
B. Smoking weed
C. Kicking the family dog
D. Masturbating

8. THE OSCARS: Earlier this year, the entire audience of the 89th Academy Awards "erupted" into a six-minute standing ovation when this giant object was "wheeled" onto the stage. What was it?
A. A sex toy
B. A bronze statue of President Obama
C. A painted portrait of Meryl Streep
D. A mirror

9. TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: The existence of one of the four products below was actually predicted one year earlier by a fake article in The Onion. Which one?
A. A cheeseburger with two donuts as buns
B. Bacon flavored mayonnaise
C. A Gillette razor with five blades
D. The Snuggie

BONUS: It is easy to forget sometimes that a fake news site like The Onion employs real people to write those fake articles. One of those people is named Peter Rosenthal. What position does Rosenthal hold at The Onion?
"[Drumpf's] name alone creates division and anger, whose words inspire dissension and hatred, and can't possibly 'Make America Great Again.'" --Kobe Bryant (1978-2020)

"In times of crisis, the wise build bridges. The foolish build barriers." --Chadwick Boseman (1976-2020)

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Pastor Fireball
Posts: 2543
Joined: Mon May 24, 2010 4:48 am
Location: Cincinnati, OH, USA
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Re: TEN!, Week Two, Monday

#2 Post by Pastor Fireball » Wed Jun 21, 2017 3:09 pm

1. POLITICS: What part of the federal government didn't "realize" until 2005 that they had been "using" black highlighters on all of their classified documents?
A. FBI
B. Homeland Security
C. CIA
D. NSA

The same "report" also included an interview with a former CIA officer who "said", "I was once ordered to feed documents into a copying machine in order to make backups of some very important top-secret records, but it turned out to be some sort of device that cut the paper to shreds."

http://www.theonion.com/article/cia-rea ... s-all-1848

2. TELEVISION: In 1998, what game show got "approval" from the FCC to start using George Carlin's words you can't say on television?
A. "Wheel of Fortune"
B. "Match Game"
C. "Hollywood Squares"
D. "Jeopardy!"

Apparently, the show had "run out" of ideas for puzzles and felt that it "needed" curse words in order to keep it on the air.

http://www.theonion.com/article/despera ... to-us-3681

3. RELIGION: In a recent "article", who is worried about their job security after the hiring of a supposedly "new God", "stating" that the new God has been "riding my ass nonstop... I got along great with the old God, but this one gets wrathful over practically nothing. Frankly, He's kind of a dick."?
A. Pat Robertson
B. Pope Francis
C. The Archbishop of Canterbury
D. Donald Trump

Sounds like something that Drumpf would say, but this "article" was actually about the Pope.

http://www.theonion.com/article/pope-fr ... butt-52721

4. GAMES: According to a 2009 "exposé", the lovesick CEO of a major toys and games manufacturer "experiences" schadenfreude every time one of his company's most famous games "destroys" a romantic relationship. Nearly 1.5 million breakups "occurred" during the CEO's forty-year tenure because of what game?
A. Scrabble
B. Yahtzee
C. Monopoly
D. Boggle

http://www.theonion.com/article/jilted- ... estro-2760

5. ANIMALS: In a shocking 2006 "photo", The Onion "warned" its readers that one seemingly innocuous animal "thinks" of murder all day. Which one?
A. Turtle
B. Kitten
C. Goldfish
D. Puppy

No article. Just a photo.

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/kitten- ... l-day-9783

6. SPORTS: In a 2014 "article", ESPN analyst Chris Broussard "discussed" which of two men was the all-time leader in being "a complete, all-around f**kface" and "a dominant, overbearing s**thead" in their respective sport. Which two athletes?
A. Ben Roethlisberger & Tom Brady
B. Michael Johnson & Usain Bolt
C. Michael Jordan & LeBron James
D. Barry Bonds & Alex Rodriguez

http://www.theonion.com/article/debate- ... lebr-35358

7. HOLIDAY NEWS: Santa Claus "wrote" a 2006 "article" just in time for Christmas... but there was no joy from jolly old St. Nick because he had been keeping a list of every reader whom he had "caught" doing what?
A. Singing Cher songs
B. Smoking weed
C. Kicking the family dog
D. Masturbating

http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/ho-ho- ... ting-11513

8. THE OSCARS: Earlier this year, the entire audience of the 89th Academy Awards "erupted" into a six-minute standing ovation when this giant object was "wheeled" onto the stage. What was it?
A. A sex toy
B. A bronze statue of President Obama
C. A painted portrait of Meryl Streep
D. A mirror

http://www.theonion.com/article/large-m ... ound-55387

9. TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION: The existence of one of the four products below was actually predicted one year earlier by a fake article in The Onion. Which one?
A. A cheeseburger with two donuts as buns
B. Bacon flavored mayonnaise
C. A Gillette razor with five blades
D. The Snuggie

Gillette's CEO "wrote" this profanity-laced op-ed in 2004. The real Gillette company introduced its five-blade razor in 2005.

http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/fuck-e ... ades-11056

BONUS: It is easy to forget sometimes that a fake news site like The Onion employs real people to write those fake articles. One of those people is named Peter Rosenthal. What position does Rosenthal hold at The Onion?

Film critic

Some of his offbeat film reviews can be found on The Onion's official YouTube channel.
"[Drumpf's] name alone creates division and anger, whose words inspire dissension and hatred, and can't possibly 'Make America Great Again.'" --Kobe Bryant (1978-2020)

"In times of crisis, the wise build bridges. The foolish build barriers." --Chadwick Boseman (1976-2020)

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