Fire up the toaster!

[Bob78164]

Oakland has lost 91 games so the As cannot win more than 71 games this season. Texas and Houston each have already won 72 games so Oakland cannot win the American League Western Division and will finish behind at least one non-division winner in that division. Baltimore and Tampa Bay each have won at least 77 games so the As will finish behind at least one non-division winner in the American League Eastern Division. Seattle has won 71 games. The Mariners and the As have played 7 games against each other and the Mariners have won all 7. Oakland and Seattle have 6 games remaining against each other, so Seattle has already clinched the season series against Oakland.

Oakland fans have qualified for the early bird special. The As have been toastified. --Bob

[Bob78164]

Kansas City has lost 93 games so the Royals cannot win more than 69 games. Minnesota has won 69 games and Kansas City cannot finish above .500 in head-to-head games among any set of American League Central Division teams that includes the Twins, and the teams' records are such that in any such tiebreak, there will be a team than finishes above .500 in head-to-head games. Kansas City therefore cannot win the American League Central Division.

Seattle, Texas, and Houston all have won at least 75 games so the Royals will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the American League Western Division. Baltimore, Tampa Bay, and Toronto each have won at least 72 games so Kansas City also will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the American League Eastern Division.

The summer may be hot but the Royals were not. Kansas City has been toastified. --Bob

[Bob78164]

Colorado has lost 91 games so the Rockies cannot win more than 71 games. The Dodgers have already won 87 games so Colorado cannot with the American League Western Division. The Braves, the Phillies, and the Marlins all have won at least 74 games so the Rockies will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the National League Eastern Division. Milwaukee, the Cubs, and Cincinnati all have won at least 74 games so Colorado also will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the National League Central Division.

Winter is here for Rockies fans. Colorado has been toastified. --Bob

[Bob78164]

The White Sox have lost 88 games so Chicago cannot win more than 74 games. Minnesota has won 75 games so the White Sox cannot win the American League Central Division. Baltimore, Tampa Bay, and Toronto all have won at least 80 games so Chicago will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the American League Eastern Division. The Astros, the Mariners, and the Rangers all have won at least 78 games so the White Sox will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the American League Western Division.

The South Side of Chicago truly is the baddest part of town. The White Sox have been toastified. --Bob

[Bob78164]

Congratulations to the Atlanta Braves, who have clinched a post-season berth. --Bob

[BackInTex]

I like my Astros' chances. The remainder of the year they play 6 games with Kansas City (.306) and 3 games with Oakland (.308) and Texas and Seattle still have 7 games against each other and Texas plays 4 games against Toronto (.559) and Seattle 3 against the Dodgers (.613).

[SportsFan68]

Colorado has lost 91 games so the Rockies cannot win more than 71 games. The Dodgers have already won 87 games so Colorado cannot with the American League Western Division. The Braves, the Phillies, and the Marlins all have won at least 74 games so the Rockies will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the National League Eastern Division. Milwaukee, the Cubs, and Cincinnati all have won at least 74 games so Colorado also will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the National League Central Division.

Winter is here for Rockies fans. Colorado has been toastified. --Bob

I'm amazed that we're this far into September before being toasted.

[Bob78164]

Colorado has lost 91 games so the Rockies cannot win more than 71 games. The Dodgers have already won 87 games so Colorado cannot with the American League Western Division. The Braves, the Phillies, and the Marlins all have won at least 74 games so the Rockies will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the National League Eastern Division. Milwaukee, the Cubs, and Cincinnati all have won at least 74 games so Colorado also will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the National League Central Division.

Winter is here for Rockies fans. Colorado has been toastified. --Bob

I'm amazed that we're this far into September before being toasted.

I was a couple of days late. --Bob

[Bob78164]

Congratulations to the National League Eastern Division champion Atlanta Braves. --Bob

[littlebeast13]

I like my Astros' chances. The remainder of the year they play 6 games with Kansas City (.306) and 3 games with Oakland (.308) and Texas and Seattle still have 7 games against each other and Texas plays 4 games against Toronto (.559) and Seattle 3 against the Dodgers (.613).

1-4 against the two worst teams in baseball so far. What a jinx!

lb13

[Beebs52]

I like my Astros' chances. The remainder of the year they play 6 games with Kansas City (.306) and 3 games with Oakland (.308) and Texas and Seattle still have 7 games against each other and Texas plays 4 games against Toronto (.559) and Seattle 3 against the Dodgers (.613).

1-4 against the two worst teams in baseball so far. What a jinx!

lb13

Hey, avoiding a royals sweep...

[Bob78164]

Congratulations to the National League Western Division champion Los Angeles Dodgers. --Bob

[Bob78164]

The Washington Nationals have lost 84 games so they cannot win more than 78 games. Atlanta has won 96 games so Washington cannot win the National League Eastern Division. Philadelphia has won 81 games so the Nationals will finish behind at least one non-division winner in the National League Eastern Division. The Dodgers and the Diamondbacks each have won at least 79 games so Washington also will finish behind at least one non-division winner in the National League Western Division.

Washington has already finished playing every team that could possibly join the Nationals in a multi-team tie at 78 wins for the final wild card spot. Primarily due to the Nationals' 2-11 record against the Marlins, Washington ends up with a losing record in head-to-head matchups in every such scenario, so there is no way Washington can win that tie-break. Therefore, at least one other non-division winner will finish ahead of the Nationals.

Washington fans may as well wait for cherry blossom season. The Nationals have been toastified. --Bob

[Bob78164]

Congratulations to the Baltimore Orioles, who have clinched a post-season berth. --Bob

[Bob78164]

Congratulations to the Tampa Bay Rays, who have clinched a post-season berth. --Bob

[Bob78164]

The Angels have lost 83 games this year so Los Angeles of Anaheim cannot win more than 79 games. Houston has won 84 games so the Angels cannot win the American League Western Division. Texas and Seattle each have won 83 games so the Angels will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the American League Western Division. Baltimore and Tampa Bay each have won at least 93 games so the Angels will finish behind at least one non-division winner in the American League Eastern Division.

Is this it for Sho-time in Anaheim? We'll find out next year, but his team is again watching from their couches in October. The Angels have been toastified. --Bob

[Bob78164]

St. Louis has lost 84 games so the Cardinals cannot win more than 78 games. Milwaukee has won 85 games so St. Louis cannot win the National League Central Division. Atlanta, Philadelphia, and Miami each have won at least 79 games so the Cardinals will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the National League Eastern Division. The Dodgers and the Diamondbacks each have won at least 80 games so St. Louis also will finish behind at least one non-division winner in the National League Western Division.

Clydesdales will have nothing to celebrate this year. St. Louis has been toastified. --Bob

[Bob78164]

Boston has lost 78 games so the Red Sox cannot win more than 84 games. Baltimore has won 95 games so Boston cannot win the American League Eastern Division. The Rays and the Blue Jays each have won at least 85 games so the Red Sox will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the American League Eastern Division. Houston has won 85 games. Seattle and Texas each have won 84 games and they have 7 games remaining against each other, so at least one of those teams will win at least 88 games. Boston will therefore finish behind at least one non-division winner in the American League Western Division.

Caroline is not so sweet this year. The Red Sox have been toastified. --Bob

[Vandal]

Damn. No t-shirt.

[jarnon]

Clydesdales will have nothing to celebrate this year.

Well they have this consolation:

Budweiser won’t cut off the tails of its famous Clydesdale horses

[Bob78164]

The Mets have lost 83 games so they cannot win more than 79 games. Atlanta has won 99 games so New York cannot win the National League Eastern Division. Philadelphia has won 85 games so the Mets will finish behind at least one non-division winner in the National League Eastern Division. The Brewers and the Cubs each have won at least 80 games so New York will finish behind at least one non-division winner in the National League Central Division. Los Angeles and Arizona each have won at least 81 games so the Mets will finish behind at least one non-division winner in the National League Western Division.

The City may never sleep, but its National League baseball team will. The Mets have been toastified. --Bob

[Bob78164]

Detroit has lost 82 games so the Tigers cannot win more than 80 games. Minnesota has won 82 games so Detroit cannot win the American League Central Division. The Orioles, the Rays, and the Blue Jays each have won at least 86 games so the Tigers will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the American League Eastern Division. Texas and Houston each have won 85 games so Detroit will finish behind at least one non-division winner in the American League Western Division.

The auto workers' job action soon will be the only strike in town. Detroit has been toastified. --Bob

[Bob78164]

Cleveland has lost 81 games so the Guardians cannot win more than 81 games. Minnesota has won 82 games so Cleveland cannot win the American League Central Division. The Orioles, the Rays, and the Blue Jays each have won at least 86 games so the Guardians will finish behind at least two non-division winners in the American League Eastern Division. Texas and Houston each have won 85 games so Cleveland will finish behind at least one non-division winner in the American League Western Division.

Cleveland's baseball season has become the mistake by the lake. The Guardians have been toastified. --Bob

[Bob78164]

Congratulations to the American League Central Division champion Minnesota Twins. --Bob

[Bob78164]

Congratulations to the Milwaukee Brewers, who have clinched a post-season berth. --Bob