Fireball's Top Ten List

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Pastor Fireball
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Fireball's Top Ten List

#1 Post by Pastor Fireball » Fri Dec 22, 2017 6:05 am

Before I disappear for a few days to prepare for my big 2018 project, I have one final Christmas present to give you guys. I haven't done a Letterman-style top ten list in forever and AlphaDummy isn't around that much anymore, so this seems to be the perfect time of the season to do one. From the home office in Wenatchee, Washington, today's topic is...

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE AT A REALLY BAD MALL

A very timely and appropriate list, especially for any of you who plan to do some last-minute holiday shopping this weekend. If you notice any of these things occurring at your mall, please run the other way. And if you're already predicting some of the punchlines below, then take a number and get in line. All of the jokes could write themselves in 2017.

Here we go!

#10.
Spoiler
The Panda Express uses actual panda.


#9.
Spoiler
You spot Louie CK walking out of the men's room.


#8.
Spoiler
A disgruntled Auntie Anne's employee is shaping the pretzel dough into phallic images.


#7.
Spoiler
Santa looks suspiciously like Matt Lauer. (Don't look inside his bag!)


#6.
Spoiler
Al Franken keeps walking up to the Chester's Fried counter to ask if he can touch the chicken breasts.


#5.
Spoiler
It has a Confederate flag store.


#4.
Spoiler
Bill Cosby is making your Orange Julius.


#3.
Spoiler
One of the food court tables has a "Reserved for Roy Moore" placard.


#2.
Spoiler
A confused Donald Trump is looming outside of the new pet store, First-Rate Pussy.


Annnnnnnnd the #1 sign you're at a really bad mall--and if you remember past top ten lists on the Bored, you know how the #1 joke will end...

Spoiler
The public address system is tuned to WGAS.


There it is!
"[Drumpf's] name alone creates division and anger, whose words inspire dissension and hatred, and can't possibly 'Make America Great Again.'" --Kobe Bryant (1978-2020)

"In times of crisis, the wise build bridges. The foolish build barriers." --Chadwick Boseman (1976-2020)

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