WWTBAM Bored

Considering how all of us here have "met" I'm hoping that some one here can give me a little direction.

I met my friend Marie over a decade ago on a DIY forum much like this one. She lives in Oak Park, MI near Detroit, is 72 years old and is the primary caregiver for her father who turns 100 this year. Her dad lives about 40 minutes away from her in his own house and has other forms of in-home care. I say this as this is all I know about any local family or friends to Marie.

I have not heard from Marie since early December which is highly unusual. To not hear from her over Christmas is something that has me worried. Marie had a couple of mini-strokes last year but was recovering well. She lives at home by herself. I know Marie's full name, address and phone number (and she has my similar info) but almost all of our 'talking' is via email. After not hearing from her on-line I have phoned her home - goes straight to voice mail. I've left messages with my name and contact info for anyone who may be checking her messages.

At this point I am just worried that something has happened to her. Since she has my phone number I am ruling out problems with Comcast and sending emails. My best guess it that there has been some kind of health issue where she cannot communicate or that she has died. If I knew of any friends or family that I could contact I would, but there are none. The only path I have left is to send a snail mail letter and hope that somebody is checking her mail.

But I'm open to any other suggestions. How does one go about searching for someone they have never seen and with limited information from half a country away?

I had a similar situation pre-Internet and cell phones. I called her local police and asked them to do a welfare check. It turned out she had overdosed.

Based on the information you've given us, I'm guessing that Marie doesn't have a Twitter or Facebook presence that you could inquire through. And that she's never mentioned any relatives or friends you could enquire about.

You mentioned that you contacted her through a forum like this one. If that forum is still active, you could post there and ask if anyone knows anything about her. Even if the forum's not active, you could e-mail anyone from the forum whose address you still have and see if they have any updates. I know that if we received a similar request here about someone who no longer posts regularly, there would probably be someone who could offer an update. On a more somber note, you could google her with additional key words like "Oak Park" or "obituary" to see if there's any mention. Depending on how common her name is, you might get some hits.

Good luck and here's hoping for the best.

jaybee wrote:Considering how all of us here have "met" I'm hoping that some one here can give me a little direction.

I met my friend Marie over a decade ago on a DIY forum much like this one. She lives in Oak Park, MI near Detroit, is 72 years old and is the primary caregiver for her father who turns 100 this year. Her dad lives about 40 minutes away from her in his own house and has other forms of in-home care. I say this as this is all I know about any local family or friends to Marie.

I have not heard from Marie since early December which is highly unusual. To not hear from her over Christmas is something that has me worried. Marie had a couple of mini-strokes last year but was recovering well. She lives at home by herself. I know Marie's full name, address and phone number (and she has my similar info) but almost all of our 'talking' is via email. After not hearing from her on-line I have phoned her home - goes straight to voice mail. I've left messages with my name and contact info for anyone who may be checking her messages.

At this point I am just worried that something has happened to her. Since she has my phone number I am ruling out problems with Comcast and sending emails. My best guess it that there has been some kind of health issue where she cannot communicate or that she has died. If I knew of any friends or family that I could contact I would, but there are none. The only path I have left is to send a snail mail letter and hope that somebody is checking her mail.

But I'm open to any other suggestions. How does one go about searching for someone they have never seen and with limited information from half a country away?

Asking police to do a welfare check is not out of bounds, for sure. There is precedent for such a thing among "internet friends," as well. Certainly a search of obituaries in Oak Park would be possible, as well.

Thanks and some answers:

The original forum is a dead end. It disbanded many years ago so no information there.
I've done the Google search to the point of checking the available funeral home registers with no luck.
She has no Twitter or FB accounts and doesn't even have a cell phone.
I'll try to find the right contact to have someone do a welfare check. I'd thought of that but wanted some validation here first. Didn't want to cross that fine line between 'concerned friend' and 'creepy internet guy'.

Thank you.

if you know her father's name, do the google search on that as well. If something happened to him, she may be listed in the obit. There is also the possibility that they are both in care or something like that, so nothing would show in an obit.

I remember when I had my accident with "Sonny", LoryNY tracked down the hospital I was in.

If the police won't do a welfare check, the local Area Agency on Aging will. Check what county of the state she lives in for the county Area Agency on Aging

Update: I had the police do a welfare check. Marie is fine. A bit overwhelmed and 'forgetful' but OK. Her computer crashed on her a while back and added to the stress of trying to take care of her dad she sorta 'checked out'. So she is not totally OK but she did call me today and talked.

Thanks again for all the advice.

jaybee wrote:Update: I had the police do a welfare check. Marie is fine. A bit overwhelmed and 'forgetful' but OK. Her computer crashed on her a while back and added to the stress of trying to take care of her dad she sorta 'checked out'. So she is not totally OK but she did call me today and talked.

Thanks again for all the advice.

I'm glad for the happy outcome.

You're a good friend.

Nobody ever checks up on me...

Thank you for your non support!

So glad all turned out alright.

Glad to hear she's all right.

When I started my job at the Georgia Lottery, I was in a cubicle that was next to a couple of the sales reps. These people spend all day talking to the convenience store owners who sell lottery tickets and make sure they don't run out of tickets and don't have any problems with their equipment.

I became fairly friendly with one of them because he was a big Dallas Cowboys fan and we would banter with each other about the Giants/Cowboys games. I thought Mike was in his 30's but he was apparently a good bit older, in his 50's.

Anyway, one Tuesday morning this fall, Mike didn't show up for work Monday or Tuesday and didn't call in or e-mail. He lived by himself, and when his supervisor called to check up on him, no one answered. She got worried and went out with one of the other managers to his apartment and got the landlord to let them in. They discovered his body; he had died over the weekend. Apparently, Mike had diabetes and some other health issues I wasn't aware of.

That happened to be the day I had my car accident so I didn't get to work until the middle of the afternoon, and I noticed that someone had brought in some doughnuts. I asked what the occasion was and was floored when I heard what happened. It hit everyone hard (me too) because Mike was the proverbial world's nicest, most cheerful guy and always a lot of fun to be around. But you just never know.

I didn't want to post this earlier, but this thread brought up these memories for me. I'm so glad your friend is okay; I hope you'll be able to say in closer touch from now on.