S. SpielBored Presents: The Towering Bored Inferno
Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2018 9:10 am
Scene: The Bored. One of the tallest internet sites in cyberspace. A shiny testament to American ingenuity…
…and excess.
Scene: The dedication of The Bored a week after it opens. Many of those responsible for getting it built have gathered
for a party high up in the Promenade Forum.
Meet Bored architect TBone Roberts:
His fiancé TGirl (The T- couple are so cute):
LB the Bored builder:
Lead software designer Flock:
“Seasoned” couple Beebs and Jarnon:
Sprots, Tangredi and other guests cut the ribbon and The Bored is officially re-opened!
Scene: Bored Administrator SSS notices that a spark from a political post has started a fire a few floors below the party…
and he notifies his supervisor...
who contacts TBone:
who breaks the news to TGirl:
TGirl: What’s the matter?
TBone: Just a little fire that could spread through the entire building, engulfing us in a deadly inferno.
TGirl: What should we do?
TBone: We’re half-naked, gorgeous and in bed. What do you think we should do?
TGirl: Good point, big boy.
Scene: LB and Flock discuss the shortcuts made during the building of the Bored
LB: Did you change any of TBone’s HTML specifications?
Flock: I most certainly did.
LB: For God’s sakes why? You knew the political traffic would be high on the main forum.
Flock: We were running over budget and out of money. Besides, all the polls said SHE was supposed to win, remember?
If SHE won, we wouldn’t be having these problems.
LB: Well, SHE lost. And now a spark from the Mueller thread is threatening the entire building.
Flock: That doesn’t make any sense. None of this promo makes any sense!
Scene: LB stops for a smoke and calls his agent
LB: Get me the hell out of this crappy promo!
Scene: Bored fire chief BiT arrives to assess the situation
and meets up with TBone and TGirl
Scene: BiT calls his agent
BiT: Get the me the hell out of this crappy promo, now!
Scene: BBs begin to panic and make a run for the Transcripts Forum…
but there is no escape!
Scene: Fire crews arrive and begin to put out the fire.
but there is no stopping the power of a massive political thread gone wild.
Scene: Another group of BBs, including LB and Flock, try to escape down the FNGD forum elevators.
Unfortunately, it’s never smart to take an elevator during a fire.
Scene: Beebs and others head for the stairs, but an explosion rips the stairway apart.
TBone tries to save Beebs, but, sadly, she is permanently logged out.
TBone: Sorry Beebs!
(Director’s note: Kudos to Beebs for her marvelous death scenes in both crappy disaster promos!)
Scene: The carnage continues as BBs attempt to flee the Bored any means possible.
Scene: A group of BBs make it to the Suggestion Box forum…
but that ends badly too. There is no escape!
Scene: BBs across the Bored come to the realization that they are trapped and will not get out.
Jarnon: If I cover my ears will this crappy promo just go away?
TBone (to agent): You’re fired!
Scene: BiT, TGirl and TBone discuss their options.
TGirl: We’re all going to be logged off and terminated, aren’t we?
BiT: You know, using Bored terminology at a time like this makes no sense.
TBone: Okay. How about this answer in plain English. We’re all fucked!
BiT: That’s better.
Scene: TBone and BiT have a plan.
TBone: It's totally out of control and we’ve got about fifteen minutes. I want to try something.
I want to blow those water tanks in the post pinned to the top of the Bored Posts forum - I think it
might kill the fire.
BiT: You mean the Esto Spills His Guts: A Geocaching Mystery post? Wait. That doesn’t make any sense. We can’t just keep
throwing Bored terms around. It’s lazy writing.
TBone: Lier. We can do anything we want in a crappy promo. Now let’s get up there.
BiT (to agent): You’re fired!
Scene: TBone and BiT arrive in the Esto Spills His Guts post and head to the water tanks.
They set the explosives and return to the Promenade Forum with the other survivors.
Scene: BBs prepare themselves for the aftermath of Esto spilling his guts, I mean, water, on the top of the forum.
TBone tells everyone to secure themselves.
Jarnon straps in…
BiT confesses…
BiT: God, please know that I don’t want to destroy The Bored. Give me a break on this one.
SSS quickly runs in (sorry folks, he didn’t die in the fire…maybe next time).
Scene: The tanks explode, sending water everywhere and destroying every forum, subforum, post and PM.
Some were not so lucky (hey, TBone told you to strap in):
Epilogue: The Bored is completely ruined, but some BBs survived.
Jarnon and SSS (and even Dumbelina the cat)
Scene: BiT, TBone and TGirl have a final discussion.
BiT: I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson, today.
TGirl: Yeah. You can’t just take any movie and make it into a crappy promo!
TBone: True, but more importantly: Even though it’s a burned-out, water-logged
shell of its former itself, The Bored will go on.
Lyrically Speaking
Winter Extravaganza
Returns January 7th
Hosted by (the late?) LB
Here on Our Bored
And nowhere else