Parade Time!

[Ed Sullivan]

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to welcome you all to Ed Sullivan's 23rd annual Parade of Merry Men! Tonight we have a really big shoe for you all. We'll kick things off with gravelly toned Marge Schott singing our National Anthem. Following her on stage will be a storytelling dual between Rod Serling and his evil clone. We also have live from some shithole island in the Pacific, the exotic Troy Polymolyolygon to do his native dance in the buf..... no wait, he better wear some pants! For the main event, I booked The Beatles, but two of them never returned my calls, so we'll have the wonderful Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods filling in for them! And you won't want to miss stupid pet tricks by Giant Gambian Rat!

And now, let's get this parade started....... after a word from our sponsor, The American Beef Industry...

[ItsAMadMadMadMadCow]

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

[Ed McMahon]

Hiyoooooo!!!!

I'm supposed to do the introductions around here, buddy! I'd still need the money if I were around to spend it....

And now stay tuned for The Best Of McMahon!

[littleblueneon]

I was supposed to tow the flag for this year's parade, but I kinda needed it to soak up another oil spill. Now it truly is a grand old rag....

[High School Slutatorian]

It's not a RAG! It's a sanitary napkin!

See, I totally paid attention during sex ed class!

[Four Hour Stiffy]

So, if you're not on the sanitary napkin..... wanna swing by my place for four hours?

[Beavis & Butthead]

Huh huh huh!!! Huh huh huh!!! Huh huh huh!!!!

Whoa! Those Shriner dudes just threw out some candy!!!

HEY! Gimme that, asswipe!!!! (Smacks the shit out of a little kid)

I need candy for my bunghole!!!!

[Spilly]

CANDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Candee for Spilly Boy's BUNGHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE!!!!!!!!!!!

[KilljoyWasHere]

Ed, you better take care of these vulgar heathens who are running amok in your parade, or I'll see to it you're taken off the air for good this time!!!

[PontiffPolycarpPengo]

Ed, you better take care of these vulgar heathens who are running amok in your parade, or I'll see to it you're taken off the air for good this time!!!

Cool it, Sis. I haven't had a laugh this good since that time me and the other cardinals teepeed the Popemobile and made Benny ragequit the Papacy!

[Astros Trash Can]

Woohoo! I finally get to march in a parade this year!

Don't mess with Texas, and the next pitch is gonna be a screwball inside...

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!!!!

[silverscreenselect]

My buddy the flag better show up before this is over.

All nine rows of stars of him.

I'm counting on him. But I wish I'd counted him more closely 22 years ago.

[Beebs52]

I want pho. What the pho? Let's get some diversity in the food trucks here!

[Nine Horizontal Rows of Stars]

Old glory coming through




Can also be used to catch Patriots fans jumping from the heights.

[CharleyWeaverToBlock]

I want pho. What the pho? Let's get some diversity in the food trucks here!

The best we can do is:

Spoiler

Monkey Fazoo

[Rod_Serling]

You log onto this Bored at your own risk, because it leads to the future; not a future that will be, but one that might be. This is not a new Bored: It is simply an extension of what began in the old one. It has patterned itself after every administrator who has ever planted the ripping imprint of a delete key on the pages of history since the beginning of cyberspace. It has refinements, technological advancements, and a more sophisticated approach to the destruction of human freedom. But like every one of the super sites that preceded it, it has one iron rule: Logic is an enemy, and truth is a menace.

And this parade sucks.

[Robert Preston]

Ya got trouble!

Now friends, let me tell you what I mean. We have one, two, three, four posts calling out Fazoo

And that’s with a capital F and that rhymes with Clef and that stands for

Music

Man

[Beebs52]

What the pho?!? Fazoo? My aspertame.

[RoBored Zemeckis]

I've seen the past and the parades used to suck.

I've been Back to the Future and the parades will suck.

At least we have today and...

Ha! This parade sucks, too!

[Jim Rome]

This is the most unorganized parade since the Stanford band joined the kick return against Cal.

That was epic.

This parade had a take, and it sucked. Just like Chris Everett.

I am out!

[Billy Bored Thornton]

This parade could use some cheerleaders and maybe a stripper or two.

Bored ladies, here is your chance to shine for ol' Billy Bored.

[Col Nathan Jessep Fantine]

You f@#$%in' people... you have no idea how to run a parade.

All you did was weaken the Bored today, LB.

That's all you did. You put BB's lives in danger.

Sweet dreams, son.

[Dizzy Miss Lizzie]

I look out and I see 40 Merrymen in the parade.

Good thing I brought my axe for fun.

Hey, there's another, and that makes 41.

[Al Pacino]

I'm afraid I've lost my voice yelling so much in my movie scenes.

So let me just say:

You're out of order!
I'm out of order!
This whole parade is out of order!

[Gunnery Sergeant Hartman]

You Merrymen had best unfuck yourselves or I will unscrew your heads and shit down your NECKS!