~!@#$%^&* Airlines (non-MMFF)

[wintergreen48]

One of the great benefits to being laid off by Capital One is that they pay for any 'employment related' education I might want to take, and I can spend up to $5,000 (!!!!) over the next two years on it. They won't pay for classes in stuff like photography, on the grounds that that is a hobby rather than a profession (I might need to have Uly talk to them about this), but essentially anything else that I want to do, I can do, and I have been doing.

I spent the past week in Chicago at an ABA Regulatory Compliance Conference, learning me lots of law stuff. Really a good deal. And also ironic: most of the Capital One people there were actually people like me, people whom Capital One has laid off or forced out: due to budgetary considerations, they did not send anyone from my division, other than the two top managers, both of whom were speakers (and who were, therefore, comped by the ABA), so, the ONLY reason that I was able to attend was because Capital One laid me off. A delicious irony.

Now where was I... oh, yes, the !@#$%^&* Airlines (non-MMF).

We were supposed to fly out to Chicago on US Air last Saturday morning at about 9:30 am, to arrive in Chicago around 2 pm their time. As we checked in, we were told that our plane would probably not arrive in time for us to make our connection in Charlotte, so US Air transferred us to United, which actually flies directly to Chicago, and has four flights a day there, the first of which takes off right about the same time as the US Air flight (and, since it is direct without any connections, you can get there hours earlier, arriving at about 10:45 am their time). Well, sort of: that plane never actually took off. It was held up in fog stuff at Dulles, finally made it to Richmond at 2 pm, sat at the gate for half an hour, THEN THEY ROLLED IT AWAY AND PARKED IT SOMEWHERE, never to be seen again. WTF????

Two other United flights left for Chicago while we waited for our 'first' flight. They finally re-booked us, on a standby basis, on what would have been the fourth flight of the day, but was in fact the third, since the first never left, and we left Richmond at 6 pm-- ten hours after we arrived for our 9:30 flight. One consolation: the two seats they had available were in First Class. But you have not lived until you have spent ten hours sitting in a ~!@#$%^&* airport waiting for a ~!@#$%^&* plane.

But wait: there's more.

Our return flight was kind of botched up: for some reason we were on two separate flights coming back, set to depart ten minutes apart, at 3:45 pm and 3:55 pm, with connections arriving in Richmond at 9:55 pm: mine was a United flight that was actually operated by US Air, the other was a US Air flight operated by United. Go figure. So we get to O'Hare, and find out that the other flight has been cancelled, and my friend gets rebooked to an American flight, which is direct... but does not leave until 7:55 pm, with an arrival in Richmond at 10:55 pm (and since I drove us to the airport, that meant that I could look forward to sitting in the ~!@#$%^&* airport for an hour waiting for that flight to arrive).

Well, my flight took off an time, and reached Charlotte (the connection point) on time... and circled the city for a couple hours, as we watched what was apparently the only rainstorm on the entire East Coast at the time, lodged firmly over Charlotte. We ran out of fuel and had to go to Greensboro to get juiced up, then back to Charlotte, by which time the storm finally dissipated, and I arrived at 8:30 pm, ten minutes after my connecting flight to Richmond departed. Or would have departed, except that they canceled it. They were able to book me onto the last seat for the last plane of the night to Richmond-- oddly enough, a US Air flight that was actually run by US Air-- which was to depart Charlotte at 9:20 pm. Except that it was delayed until 9:50 pm. And then till 10:20 pm. And, finally, to 11 pm, when we finally took off. So at this point I am figuring, well, at least I won't be sitting in the ~!@#$%^&* Richmond airport for an hour, waiting for my friend's plane to come in-- my friend will be sitting in the ~!@#$%^&* Richmond airport waiting for my plane to come in.

We arrived in Richmond just after midnight, and I did not see my friend in the waiting area, so I called on my cell phone... to find out that my friend's plane had been stuck on the tarmac in Chicago for an hour, and had just that minute landed in Richmond. So neither of us had to sit in the ~!@#$%^&* Richmond airport waiting for the other to arrive, we just sat around in the ~!@#$%^&* airports in Chicago and Charlotte waiting for our ~!@#$%^&* planes to take off.

We did get a couple food vouchers, which I used up in Charlotte (pretty good crabcakes and key lime pie and Sam Adams at their airport), and vouchers for discounts on future United flights. Like we are ever going to use them.

I ~!@#$%^&*ing hate ~!@#$%^&*ing air travel.

[ulysses5019]

One of the great benefits to being laid off by Capital One is that they pay for any 'employment related' education I might want to take, and I can spend up to $5,000 (!!!!) over the next two years on it. They won't pay for classes in stuff like photography, on the grounds that that is a hobby rather than a profession (I might need to have Uly talk to them about this), but essentially anything else that I want to do, I can do, and I have been doing.

I spent the past week in Chicago at an ABA Regulatory Compliance Conference, learning me lots of law stuff. Really a good deal. And also ironic: most of the Capital One people there were actually people like me, people whom Capital One has laid off or forced out: due to budgetary considerations, they did not send anyone from my division, other than the two top managers, both of whom were speakers (and who were, therefore, comped by the ABA), so, the ONLY reason that I was able to attend was because Capital One laid me off. A delicious irony.

Now where was I... oh, yes, the !@#$%^&* Airlines (non-MMF).

We were supposed to fly out to Chicago on US Air last Saturday morning at about 9:30 am, to arrive in Chicago around 2 pm their time. As we checked in, we were told that our plane would probably not arrive in time for us to make our connection in Charlotte, so US Air transferred us to United, which actually flies directly to Chicago, and has four flights a day there, the first of which takes off right about the same time as the US Air flight (and, since it is direct without any connections, you can get there hours earlier, arriving at about 10:45 am their time). Well, sort of: that plane never actually took off. It was held up in fog stuff at Dulles, finally made it to Richmond at 2 pm, sat at the gate for half an hour, THEN THEY ROLLED IT AWAY AND PARKED IT SOMEWHERE, never to be seen again. WTF????

Two other United flights left for Chicago while we waited for our 'first' flight. They finally re-booked us, on a standby basis, on what would have been the fourth flight of the day, but was in fact the third, since the first never left, and we left Richmond at 6 pm-- ten hours after we arrived for our 9:30 flight. One consolation: the two seats they had available were in First Class. But you have not lived until you have spent ten hours sitting in a ~!@#$%^&* airport waiting for a ~!@#$%^&* plane.

But wait: there's more.

Our return flight was kind of botched up: for some reason we were on two separate flights coming back, set to depart ten minutes apart, at 3:45 pm and 3:55 pm, with connections arriving in Richmond at 9:55 pm: mine was a United flight that was actually operated by US Air, the other was a US Air flight operated by United. Go figure. So we get to O'Hare, and find out that the other flight has been cancelled, and my friend gets rebooked to an American flight, which is direct... but does not leave until 7:55 pm, with an arrival in Richmond at 10:55 pm (and since I drove us to the airport, that meant that I could look forward to sitting in the ~!@#$%^&* airport for an hour waiting for that flight to arrive).

Well, my flight took off an time, and reached Charlotte (the connection point) on time... and circled the city for a couple hours, as we watched what was apparently the only rainstorm on the entire East Coast at the time, lodged firmly over Charlotte. We ran out of fuel and had to go to Greensboro to get juiced up, then back to Charlotte, by which time the storm finally dissipated, and I arrived at 8:30 pm, ten minutes after my connecting flight to Richmond departed. Or would have departed, except that they canceled it. They were able to book me onto the last seat for the last plane of the night to Richmond-- oddly enough, a US Air flight that was actually run by US Air-- which was to depart Charlotte at 9:20 pm. Except that it was delayed until 9:50 pm. And then till 10:20 pm. And, finally, to 11 pm, when we finally took off. So at this point I am figuring, well, at least I won't be sitting in the ~!@#$%^&* Richmond airport for an hour, waiting for my friend's plane to come in-- my friend will be sitting in the ~!@#$%^&* Richmond airport waiting for my plane to come in.

We arrived in Richmond just after midnight, and I did not see my friend in the waiting area, so I called on my cell phone... to find out that my friend's plane had been stuck on the tarmac in Chicago for an hour, and had just that minute landed in Richmond. So neither of us had to sit in the ~!@#$%^&* Richmond airport waiting for the other to arrive, we just sat around in the ~!@#$%^&* airports in Chicago and Charlotte waiting for our ~!@#$%^&* planes to take off.

We did get a couple food vouchers, which I used up in Charlotte (pretty good crabcakes and key lime pie and Sam Adams at their airport), and vouchers for discounts on future United flights. Like we are ever going to use them.

I ~!@#$%^&*ing hate ~!@#$%^&*ing air travel.

Hey, you don't need no stinkin' photo classes! It's so easy even a squirrel can do it.

[ghostjmf]

wintergreen says:

But you have not lived until you have spent ten hours sitting in a ~!@#$%^&* airport waiting for a ~!@#$%^&* plane

I guess then I have lived at least twice. And a 3rd time rates too, even though it didn't last over 10 hours; that's the one where they sent a whole planeful of us outside of security to go through again so that our seats on any still-available connecting flights could be given away to people who had just arrived by various non-aviation forms of transport at the airport.

The only reason I got where I was going in time to actually get to the thing I was going for is that a nice person said "I can stay here in New York with my daughter 'til tomorrow" & literally gave me her place in line for the only seat left.

[tanstaafl2]

Two other United flights left for Chicago while we waited for our 'first' flight. They finally re-booked us, on a standby basis, on what would have been the fourth flight of the day, but was in fact the third, since the first never left, and we left Richmond at 6 pm-- ten hours after we arrived for our 9:30 flight. One consolation: the two seats they had available were in First Class. But you have not lived until you have spent ten hours sitting in a ~!@#$%^&* airport waiting for a ~!@#$%^&* plane.

I apparently have lived on multiple occasions. Two that come to mind were a trip to French Polynesia where we were on a day trip to Maupiti. The "airport" was basically a lean to on a spit of sand on the edge of the lagoon. Except that the spit of sand wasn't quite wide enough in the required predominate wind direction so they added more sand extending out into the vast Pacific on which they paved the runway (actually it extended into the lagoon but the plane was trying to land west to east which would have dumped it into the ocean if it did not stop). Shortly before we were scheduled to leave it rained. Not surprisingly that happens rather often. Turns out if the runway is wet the pilot is a bit reluctant to land as the runway is really not much longer than what is required, even for this smallish commuter aircraft, and if you don't get that sucker stopped you get to be a new reef in that previously mentioned vast Pacific. So he flies over as we anxiously await. He comes low as if he is going to land. He does not.

Apparently it was an "inspection" pass of the runway.

Apparently the runway failed the inspection.

This continued for 15-20 minutes. Each time we were hopeful it would actually land (and not become a new reef) so that we could continue our tour to Bora Bora. It did not.

And then it flew away without so much as a how do you do! And so we waited, having no idea what was going on. I should note that this particular island did not have a hotel. We had to take a boat to get to the "airport" so it was not as though there was anywhere to go. And so we waited some more. At least it was paradise, right? A hot sandy strip of paradise with little shade for a delicate skinned lily white boy like myself.

And then it got dark. When it gets dark in Maupiti it is as though someone flipped a switch. It was light, then it was dark. And odds were if the pilot wasn't going to land in daylight then he wasn't going to try in the dark on a runway with no lights.

So we finally get back in the boat and go to the central island in the lagoon where we are put up in the homes of the locals. Turns out this apparently happens a lot.

The plane never did come. The next day, some 20 hours after the originally scheduled departure Air Tahiti booked us on a boat that made the 30 odd mile trip to Bora Bora in 4-5 hours that would have required 20 minutes tops by plane. An interesting trip on the boat, basically a small local freighter that brings supplies to the people of Maupiti, and geting out of the atoll's lagoon and into the open ocean is apparently nearly as tricky as trying to land on the wet runway. Dependent on tides and probably the latest report from a local with doctor with a mad dash through a narrow channel through heavy breakers. But it wiped out most of the day of touring we had planned for Bora Bora as a result.

The second experience was a true delight as well. I was traveling on Egypt Air (somthing I encourage anyone to do with a few excess years in their life that they don't mind losing) from Nairobi to Cairo and after we boarded it was announced that we had to get back off, just temporarily mind you, to fix a small problem. We were then treated to 10 or 12 hours of watching Abdul and his buddies crawling into the engine cowling of our aircraft to repair the engine with all manner of delicate instruments like enourmous wrenches and hammers with which they proceeded to whack the snot out of the engine, in full view of the passengers loitering about in the terminal, until it was pronounced repaired. With no other option readily apparent we reboarded with trepidation for our 2000+ mile journey, much of it across the bleak sahara of Sudan and Egypt, hoping fervently that Abdul's aim with the wrench was indeed accurate...

[christie1111]

Two other United flights left for Chicago while we waited for our 'first' flight. They finally re-booked us, on a standby basis, on what would have been the fourth flight of the day, but was in fact the third, since the first never left, and we left Richmond at 6 pm-- ten hours after we arrived for our 9:30 flight. One consolation: the two seats they had available were in First Class. But you have not lived until you have spent ten hours sitting in a ~!@#$%^&* airport waiting for a ~!@#$%^&* plane.

I apparently have lived on multiple occasions. Two that come to mind were a trip to French Polynesia where we were on a day trip to Maupiti. The "airport" was basically a lean to on a spit of sand on the edge of the lagoon. Except that the spit of sand wasn't quite wide enough in the required predominate wind direction so they added more sand extending out into the vast Pacific on which they paved the runway (actually it extended into the lagoon but the plane was trying to land west to east which would have dumped it into the ocean if it did not stop). Shortly before we were scheduled to leave it rained. Not surprisingly that happens rather often. Turns out if the runway is wet the pilot is a bit reluctant to land as the runway is really not much longer than what is required, even for this smallish commuter aircraft, and if you don't get that sucker stopped you get to be a new reef in that previously mentioned vast Pacific. So he flies over as we anxiously await. He comes low as if he is going to land. He does not.

Apparently it was an "inspection" pass of the runway.

Apparently the runway failed the inspection.

This continued for 15-20 minutes. Each time we were hopeful it would actually land (and not become a new reef) so that we could continue our tour to Bora Bora. It did not.

And then it flew away without so much as a how do you do! And so we waited, having no idea what was going on. I should note that this particular island did not have a hotel. We had to take a boat to get to the "airport" so it was not as though there was anywhere to go. And so we waited some more. At least it was paradise, right? A hot sandy strip of paradise with little shade for a delicate skinned lily white boy like myself.

And then it got dark. When it gets dark in Maupiti it is as though someone flipped a switch. It was light, then it was dark. And odds were if the pilot wasn't going to land in daylight then he wasn't going to try in the dark on a runway with no lights.

So we finally get back in the boat and go to the central island in the lagoon where we are put up in the homes of the locals. Turns out this apparently happens a lot.

The plane never did come. The next day, some 20 hours after the originally scheduled departure Air Tahiti booked us on a boat that made the 30 odd mile trip to Bora Bora in 4-5 hours that would have required 20 minutes tops by plane. An interesting trip on the boat, basically a small local freighter that brings supplies to the people of Maupiti, and geting out of the atoll's lagoon and into the open ocean is apparently nearly as tricky as trying to land on the wet runway. Dependent on tides and probably the latest report from a local with doctor with a mad dash through a narrow channel through heavy breakers. But it wiped out most of the day of touring we had planned for Bora Bora as a result.

The second experience was a true delight as well. I was traveling on Egypt Air (somthing I encourage anyone to do with a few excess years in their life that they don't mind losing) from Nairobi to Cairo and after we boarded it was announced that we had to get back off, just temporarily mind you, to fix a small problem. We were then treated to 10 or 12 hours of watching Abdul and his buddies crawling into the engine cowling of our aircraft to repair the engine with all manner of delicate instruments like enourmous wrenches and hammers with which they proceeded to whack the snot out of the engine, in full view of the passengers loitering about in the terminal, until it was pronounced repaired. With no other option readily apparent we reboarded with trepidation for our 2000+ mile journey, much of it across the bleak sahara of Sudan and Egypt, hoping fervently that Abdul's aim with the wrench was indeed accurate...

I got stuck on the DFW tarmac once for a while.

Sheesh Tanstaafl2. Had any adventures in your life?



Hey, I don't remember, what does your handle stand for?

[hermillion]

I want tan to write ALL of my travel notes from here on in. Even the hideous episodes are hilarious!

tanstaafl = There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.

[tanstaafl2]

I got stuck on the DFW tarmac once for a while.

Sheesh Tanstaafl2. Had any adventures in your life?



Hey, I don't remember, what does your handle stand for?

One or two...


Hermillion is correct in regards to meaning of the acronym TANSTAAFL which is from the novel The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Robert Heinlein. I believe it originated with that story although not 100% sure about that.

[ulysses5019]

I got stuck on the DFW tarmac once for a while.

Sheesh Tanstaafl2. Had any adventures in your life?



Hey, I don't remember, what does your handle stand for?

One or two...


Hermillion is correct in regards to meaning of the acronym TANSTAAFL which is from the novel The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Robert Heinlein. I believe it originated with that story although not 100% sure about that.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TANSTAAFL

[christie1111]

I want tan to write ALL of my travel notes from here on in. Even the hideous episodes are hilarious!

tanstaafl = There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.

I knew that once and seem to have forgotten it.

Thanks!