Donald Trump on the Battle of Gettysburg

[silverscreenselect]

Gettysburg what an unbelievable battle that was the Battle of Gettysburg. What an unbelievable. I mean, it was so much and so interesting and so vicious and horrible and so beautiful in so many different ways. It represented such a big portion of the success of this country. Gettysburg, wow. I go to Gettysburg Pennsylvania to look and to watch and the statement of Robert E. Lee who’s no longer in favor. Did you ever notice that no longer in favor? Never fight uphill me boys never fight uphill they were fighting uphill. He said wow that was a big mistake. He lost his great general and they were fighting never fight uphill me boys but it was too late.

Trump is very lucky that the only TV that covers his rallies is Fox News which doesn't dwell on this type of rambling. It's very reminiscent of John Belushi talking about the Germans bombing Pearl Harbor in Animal House. If Biden ever had a riff like this during a speech, the press and Republicans would be screaming about his senility from now until election day.

By the way, this isn't the first time Trump has discussed the military strategy at the Battle of Gettysburg. Here's an excerpt from a 2020 rally (SNL doesn't need writers to invent Trump dialogue to get laughs. They can just use his exact words.):

Robert E. Lee, he would have won except for Gettysburg. And that was because his general was killed who’s going to lead Gettysburg. “Never fight uphill, me boys. Never fight uphill.” He heard they were going uphill. “Stop them, stop them.” But we had no cell phones in that day, right, congressmen? No cell phones. So they sent the horses to stop them, stop them, but it was too late. They fought uphill and they got slaughtered. That’s what happened. But Robert E. Lee, these were incredible things. But I hope you, I hope you appreciate that we had a period of time when they were ripping down all of the statues and monuments. And I said to my people four months ago, I said, “This is crazy. These people.”

And they don’t even know. You know, they started ripping down Abraham Lincoln. When they hit Lincoln I said, “Wait a minute. This is the man. And you can’t do—” Then they hit George Washington, Thomas Jefferson. They hit everybody. They even hit Gandhi. All Gandhi wanted was one thing. Peace. “May we have peace.” Ripped down the statue, “We don’t like it.” I don’t think they have any idea what they’re doing. I think they’re just a bunch of thugs.

If Robert E. Lee had only had cell phones in 1863, our history might have been very different. Of course, if he had F-15s at Gettysburg, things might have turned out differently as well.

[jarnon]

I’ve heard many people, scholars of history and professors, say this speech is more eloquent than Lincoln’s. It brings tears to the eyes of tough burly men.

[jarnon]

If Robert E. Lee had only had cell phones in 1863, our history might have been very different. Of course, if he had F-15s at Gettysburg, things might have turned out differently as well.

Blame the redcoats who attacked our airports in 1812.

[silverscreenselect]

If Robert E. Lee had only had cell phones in 1863, our history might have been very different. Of course, if he had F-15s at Gettysburg, things might have turned out differently as well.

Blame the redcoats who attacked our airports in 1812.

My comment reminded me of a movie from the 1980s, The Final Countdown with Kirk Douglas. He plays the commander of an aircraft carrier that goes through a time warp and winds up near Pearl Harbor the day before the Japanese attack. He has to decide whether to stop the attack using (1980s) modern-day jet aircraft. It was pretty good and if you like time-travel science fiction stories, there are the types of twists you might expect.